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S양의 고백,

제게는 만난지 2달된 남자친구가 있습니다. 그런데 만난지 한달이 지나고부터 계속 결혼 이야기를 꺼냅니다. 저는 26, 남자친구는 32. 근데 결혼 이야기가 나올때마다 저는 너무 부담스럽네요. 성격도 괜찮은거같고, 외모도 빠지지않고, 좋은 직장에... 놓치고 싶지않긴한데... 딱하나 걸리는게 아직 만난지 얼마되지도 않았는데 결혼을 자꾸 재촉한다는겁니다. 솔직히 사귀고나서 한달, 절 얼마나 안다고 결혼 이야길 꺼냈는가 싶기도 하고... 이 남자가 절 사랑해서가 아닌 그저 결혼 상대자로서 날 좋아하는건지하는 의심도 드네요.

남자가 결혼을 결심할때는 사랑하지 않고서도 그럴 수 있나요? 친구들한테 말해보면 그래도 결혼이 인생의 가장 중요한 결정인데 널 좋아하지 않고서 어떻게 결혼을 결심할수 있겠냐며 색안경을 끼지말고 진심을 보라는데... 이 남자가 절 좋아하는거 같긴하지만. 아직까지 사귄 기간이 짧아서 서로가 열렬히 사랑하고 있다는 느낌은 못받아봤거든요. 제가 올해안에는 결혼할 마음이 없다고 말했는데도 올해 안에 자꾸 결혼하겠다고 조르는 이 남자. 정말 어떻게 해야할지 모르겠네요.


누구는 결혼은커녕, 연애도 못하고 있는데 배가 부르다못해 옆구리가 터지는 소리하고 있다고 이야기할 사람들도 있겠지만 그녀의 입장에선 정말 심각한 고민이 아닐수가 없을것이다. 다 괜찮은데 아직 만난지가 얼마안되었고... 상대에 대한 확신이 없는 상태에서 그가 저돌적으로 결혼을 밀어붙이니 당황스럽기도 할것이다. 그렇다면 그녀는 이런 상황에서 어떤 결정을 내려야할까. 그의 진심(?)을 받아들여 결혼을 결정해야할까, 아니면 자신의 입장을 보다 확실히 밝힐 필요가 있을까.^^ 오늘은 비슷한 고민으로 고민중인 많은 여성분들을 위해 이번 글을 준비했다. 브라우저 창, 고정!


1.그를 '겪어볼' 충분한 시간이 필요하다.

휴대폰 하나를 살때도 이리저리 만져보고 화면은 선명한지, 터치감은 좋은지, 속도는 빠른지, 배터리는 오래가는지... 충분히 고려해보고 구입을 하는데... 결혼이란 인륜지대사를 상대방의 말만 듣고 덜컥 결정지어 버리는건 위험한 행동일지도 모른다.

괜찮은 성격, 괜찮은 외모, 좋은 직장

물론 겉으로 들어난 객관적인 데이터로는 괜찮은 사람일지도 모른다. 하지만 연애에는, 결혼에는, 그리고 사랑에는... 그보다 더 중요한게 바로 상대의 성격과 인성이다. 그가 스펙이 괜찮은 사람인것과 당신과 어울리는 사람인가는 별개의 문제다. 결국 어느 정도는 겪어봐야 그의 사람 됨됨이를 알수있다는말. 만난지 두 달? 지금이야 물론 상대도 당신에게 최선을 다할것이다. 하지만 막상 결혼을 결심하고 나면, 잡은 고기 밥 안준다고  마치 결혼한지 몇년은 된 남편처럼 군다면?

아직까지는 시기상조다. 당신에겐 좀더 그를 겪어봐야할 시간이 필요하다. 그의 감언이설에 넘어가

"아, 결혼까지 생각하는걸보니 나를 그만큼 중요하게 생각하나보네."

...하고 홀랑 넘어가 성급하게 결정을 내리지마라. 지금 당신들에게 필요한건 결국 시간이다.

 

 



2. 그러다 놓치면요?

"자기가 결혼 얘기를 꺼내는데도 제가 반응이 당황하는 표정이고, 아직은 좀... 이라는 식으로 말을 흐리니 섭섭하단 식으로 이야기합니다. 자길 그렇게 못믿냐는둥, 사랑하는게 맞느냐는둥... 친구들도 이런 저에게 이리저리 재다가 놓친 경우 한두번 본거 아니라면서 지금 잡아라고 은근히 부추기기도합니다."

한가지만 묻자. 그 친구들이 당신 인생 책임져줄건가? 또한 만약에 결혼을 이야기했는데 당신으로부터 즉각적인 호응이 없다고해서 놓칠것 같으면... 그는 당신을 사랑하는 대상으로 본게 아니라 그저 결혼 적령기의 많고많은 이성중에 한명으로만 봤다는 말이 된다.

"저도 한달 정도 만난 사람이 무조건 봄에는 결혼해야한다고 하길래 왠지 거부감이 들어 거절했는데... 결국 다투다가 헤어지게되고 바로 그 주에 다른 소개팅을 잡더라구요."

그에겐 결국 당신이나 다른 여자나 크게 상관이 없었다는 말. 잊지마라. 결혼은 괜찮은 조건에, 결혼 적령기의 사람이랑 하는게 아니라, 사랑하는 사람과 하는거다. 그래서 놓친다면... 오히려 잘된건지도 모른다.



3. 최소한 이끌려서하진 마라.

꼭 사놓고 후회하는 물건이 어떤 물건인지 아는가? 크게 살 마음 없이 그냥 가볍게 구경하러 들어갔는데... 점원이 이쁘다고 마구 칭찬하고 심지어 "이거 마지막 남은거예요. 손님 딴데 구경하고 오시면 없을수도 있어요."해서 괜히 마음이 급해져서 지갑을 열었는데... 집에 와서 쇼핑백을 여는 순간 후회하는것.

절대 분위기에 휩쓸려선 안된다. 본인의 생각 없이, 누군가에게 억지로 끌려가서도 안된다. 결혼이란... 최소한 

'아...이 사람이다.'
 
...란 확신이 들었을때 하는게 정답이다. 그래야 최소한 내가 선택했다는 책임감도 생기고 후회도 없는법. 남들이 뭐라고 하든 그가 아무리 졸라대던 당신이 그 남자가 좋다면... 결혼하고 싶은 마음이 들때까지 시간을 두고 만나는게 최선이다. 그가 못기다려준다면? 그건 그저 인연이 아니었을뿐...

'누구 때문에' 억지로 끌려가며 하는게 아닌 '충분한 시간을 가지고 서로에 대해 알아가며, 그 사랑이 무르익었을때' 자연스럽게 하는게 바로 결혼이다.



물론 선보고 바로 결혼했는데 잘 살고있다고 이야기 하는 사람도 있고, 만난지 한달만에 프로포즈 했다는 사람들도 있고... 다양한 러브 스토리들이 존재한다. 하지만 누구에게나 그런 가뭄에 콩나듯 존재하는 행운이 올수만은 없다. 요행을 바라지 마라. 당신의 인생은 도박이 아니니까. 가장 최선은 역시 어느정도 시간을 두고 서로에 대해 최소한 알아가고 있다는 느낌이 들때 결혼에 대해서 생각해봄일 옳지않을까 싶다. 일생에 한번만 선택할수 있는 결정인만큼 후회하지않기 위해서... 그리고 행복하기 위해서... 그 최소한의 시간은 결코 긴 시간이 아닐것이다. 필자는 언제나 당신의 사랑을 응원한다. 당신이 행복을 찾는 그날까지. 라이너스의 연애사용설명서는 계속된다. 쭈욱~

추천 버튼 한번에 연애지수는 1%씩 올라갑니다.^^


+자매품: 남자가 결혼을 결심하는 순간 BEST4
              여자들이 바라는 결혼하고 싶은 남자는?
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  • 프로필사진 BlogIcon *저녁노을* ㅎㅎ 우리 부부가...
    한 달만에 결혼했어요.

    2014.04.22 19:53 신고
  • 프로필사진 BlogIcon 유쾌한상상 확신만 있다면...또는 사람이 정말 괜찮다고 느꼈다면...
    시간은 별 의미가 없을 수도 있을겁니다. 물론 신중해야죠.
    2014.04.22 22:09 신고
  • 프로필사진 BlogIcon 산위의 풍경 직장 동료가 그런분이 있어요.
    한달만에 결혼한...
    잘 살고 계십니다.
    사람 나름이니까요~
    2014.04.22 23:05 신고
  • 프로필사진 BlogIcon 김지철 지당하신 말씀입니다. 다른일도 아니고 결혼을 이끌려서 해서는 안되지요.^^
    잘 보고 갑니다. 팽온한 밤 되시길 바랍니다.~
    2014.04.22 23:26 신고
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    2014.04.23 10:31 신고
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    2014.04.23 10:58
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